Dating: Times Have Changed

Inventing creative ways to introduce a hero and heroine to each other is a challenge writing in the romance genre. I suppose I can draw off my personal experiences, which are dull, or I could “borrow” my friend’s encounters, and spice them up a bit.

I could. But I don’t.

I prefer to conceive my own concepts. Experiment with different scenarios until I discover a method that works between the duo’s story I plan to tell. Like almost everything when writing a manuscript, forming future lover’s beginnings involves research.

My explorations led me to dabble in the latest way leading to coupledom.

Online dating: The internet has emerged as a popular way to meet potential mates. As a single, middle aged woman, I confess this approach doesn’t appeal to me, although I’m familiar with many who have met their soul mate through the internet. Either way, I thought it would make a great plot-line, and I decided to investigate.

I started by signing up on one of the more popular sites. My profile isn’t visible, but it allows me to view potential dates/mates. Warning: From here on, I’m going to pick on the guys, since their profiles are all I can see, but assessments insinuate women lack in this area, too.

So, here’s what I found:

The internet has made people lazy, my friends. I’m sure most people who use these sites are very nice, but little effort goes into constructing profiles. My initial wonder is, are they serious about finding their Ms. Right?

Think about the old days, spending Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights in clubs and disco’s. Everyone dressed up. We wore our nicest polyester, platforms gleamed, and shag haircuts were perfectly layered and drenched in Aqua Net.

I get it. Times have changed. But seriously.

Think I’m exaggerating? Look at a few pics I lifted from the dating site.

These gentlemen either look asleep, or they’ve been given bad news, or they’re mad, or they’ve photographed themselves gazing in a fun house mirror.

Speaking of mirrors, what’s this?  Selfie’s taken in the bathroom mirror??? Can I just say yuk!!!

Males also seemed to like to pose with dead animals. Polls show women don’t get too excited about pics of men and their carcasses. On the flip side, men aren’t thrilled over women who post snaps with their cats.

Pictures unfocused or sideways? Lazy. Flipping someone off? High school mentality. Tons of pictures in a bar embracing an alcoholic beverage? Do we have a problem? Numerous photographs at home. Never goes anywhere, and way too much into themselves.

No shower? No problem. Serial killer? Sure, why not!

And finally, a little mystery can be a good thing.

This is first impressions, folks.

I’m nitpicking, but the written bios are a big deal. The edit button was invented for a reason, take advantage. Complete sentences, capitalization and punctuation are important. Let’s talk about content. Anger? Next. Exposing personal baggage? Next. Wanting sex “all the time”. Next. Oh yeah, married but separated? Next.

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But by all means, write something!

Just want to spend time with someone

Okay, this part is especially for guys. I understand men don’t want some “ancient” unkempt lady on their arm. Trust me, women feel the same way, but let’s be realistic. Unless you’re Hugh Hefner, 18-35-year-old women are probably not going to jump at the chance to spend their lives (or even a second) with you. You’ll have a better shot in the real world.

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And this age thing goes on and on…

I confess, I only scraped the surface, but my observations are as follows. The premises of online dating has merit, except it also removes personalized accountability. It makes meeting others easy, but without much putting effort in the process.

Thoughts?

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Grateful

This week is my official birthday week. I’m prone to celebrate the month of March, because, why not, but Thursday is my actual date of birth. It’s not one of those “big” birthday’s, one that ends in 0. That’s another year away, but my age has climbed high enough to receive funny cards about saggy boobs, senior discounts, and laps in memory. And those are great. I truly love to laugh at my age.

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But turning a year older also has me reflecting. I have more years behind me than I do ahead. I’m not trying to be Debbie Downer, it is what it is. Instead of dwelling on the obvious, I’m going to be grateful.

Yes. I’m grateful for growing older. I’m thankful I’m still here, and for the experiences I’ve encountered and lived through. I’m grateful for the good times and the bad. Both have shaped and molded me into the person I am today.

I’m grateful for my amazing family. What a gift! My parents who instilled high standards, values, and they demonstrated what true commitment means. They taught me the meaning of unconditional love. They always supported me, even if they didn’t always agree with my choices.

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I’m also grateful for my children. They’re grown, and I couldn’t be prouder of the fantastic adults they’ve turned into. A bonus, they also married equally fantastic spouses. I don’t see them as often as I would like, but it’s comforting to know they’re just a text message, phone call, or video chat away.

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I’m grateful for my extended family and that includes my friends. I’ve been lucky enough to keep a few since I was a girl, and they are especially special. I’m thrilled with my new friends, too. Writer friends, bunko babes, work buddies and those in-between. Social media has provided the opportunity to reconnect with those I no longer see and quite a few I’ve never met. I appreciate each one of you.

 

I’m grateful for my job. No, I don’t make a ton of money and every day is trying, but I’m fortunate to work with brilliant people who teach, encourage, and laugh with me when things become too crazy. I also cherish the children we try to educate. Many come from dire circumstances, and yet they’re positive and resilient. We can all learn from them.

 

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I’m grateful for my talent and the ability to share it with others. My writing career began at the age of 12. I wrote by hand in spiral notebooks and hid them in the back of my closet. Fast forward 40 years and I’m a published author. Who’d a thought a shy, timid, introvert would ever get up enough nerve to allow the world to read her work?

 

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I’m grateful for the little things: chocolate, wine, stretchy denim, a haircut that fits my face, stretches of highway with the 75-mph speed limit, fresh sheets, silence, 80’s rock music, PayPal, my iPhone, vanilla scented candles, DSW, IDTV, spring, everything connected with the ocean, my laptop, and of course, my fur baby’s.

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Later this week as I stand in front of my cake, aiming a fire extinguisher, ready to douse the bonfire, I’m not going to make a wish. Nope. I’ll express my gratitude for the life I’ve been given, and hopefully I still have many years of gratefulness ahead of me.

 

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The hardest part of loving is saying goodbye

This has been a difficult month. I had to say farewell to someone I loved. A family member, a friend. My cousin, Roseanne Renee Henriksen passed away. She suffered with health issues a good while, and her death shouldn’t have surprised me…except it did.

I don’t come from a large family. I’m an only child. My father was also an only child, and my mom has two brothers and a sister. There wasn’t a lot of aunts, uncles or cousins around when I grew up.

I had six first cousins. Now there’s five.

I’m the oldest. Three sisters followed me. The other three came along later, so for a while, it was just us four girls. Renee was next to the youngest, and the middle child in her family.

They lived in Minnesota, and I lived in Texas. We didn’t see each other often, but when we did, it was always a lot of fun. Sleep overs where no one slept, trips to Six Flags, and I recall one Christmas, a relative made us matching robes. We used those robes as costumes. We put on a performance, singing songs, and performing skits we made up to entertain our grandparents and parents.

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Renee is on the left end.

Of the four of us, Renee had the heart of a rebel. A petite blond, she was funny, brassy, and charismatic. She was strong willed and strong minded. The one who was willing to jump into any situation headfirst and worry about consequences later.

As we entered our teens, our lives changed. No judgements on either side, it’s just how things were. Renee was no different from many teens, and she became more rebellious, determined to live the way she wanted. She got into trouble, but by today’s standards, it was nothing major. In the end, she was like a graceful cat and landed on her feet.

Thankfully, she settled down as she grew into adulthood. Her parents moved to Texas and she resided in Nebraska. Unfortunately, our spans of time together was less often. The few times we did get together, the visits were always crazy and fun, just like the old days.

As an adult, she became the ultimate “earth”person. During her visits, she would hang out with my dad. She’d work with him in his garden, peppering him with questions about growing techniques. Eventually, she grew her own food, which coincided with her love of animals as she was a stanch vegetarian.

Renee didn’t put on airs. What you saw was who she was. I can’t remember her wearing anything but jeans and t-shirts. She didn’t use make-up or fuss with her hair, her casualness fit her personality to a tee, and she wore the lifestyle well.

Renee was also an amazing artist. I was honored to have been given a piece of her artwork as a wedding gift.

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We moved many times and our moniker hung in the entryway of every home. It was usually first to go on the wall. Sadly, I removed it when the marriage ended and stored it away. My son, Stephen was married four years ago.The piece was passed along to him and his wife. Thirty-six years later, it’s back  in an entryway.

Like all of us, Renee battled with heavy issues. One place she was lucky, luckier than most, was in love. She met the love of her life, John at an early age. I can’t say for sure, but I believe they were together about forty years. I’m sure he’s heartbroken over losing her. Renee also leaves behind her mom, dad, and three sisters, their spouses, plus five nieces and a nephew. Condolences to you all.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’ll just say, dear cousin, I am a better person because I knew you. I’ll cherish every memory. Goodbye for now and Rest in Peace.

Roseanne Renee Henriksen                                             February 29, 1960 – February 16, 2017

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Keeping Resolutions

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I’m a bit late on my New Year blog, but then again, posting it on the last weekend of the month almost seems fitting. I’ve always seen the beginning of a new year as a time to make a new start with New Year’s resolutions in place, the common ones, eat better, exercise more, be better at this or that, be the ball, Danny — no wait…

I’d begin all gun-ho to keep myself on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, my vows would quickly dissolve  and were forgotten near the end of January. I’d file them away, and when the next year rolled around, I’d start over again.

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Didn’t Einstein say something about doing the same thing and expecting the same results? Yeah…insane.

Eventually, I stopped making resolutions. Since I didn’t keep them, I didn’t see a point. Instead, I made goals. Some attainable, others not so much, and few were accomplished. I read once if you write down an idea, then it became a goal or if you told someone your goal, they could hold you accountable. Well, I beg to differ. It only works if a person is motivated to achieve whatever it is they’re driven to succeed.

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Last year, I was somewhat laxed on my writing, enough to become frustrated with myself by the end of the year. I didn’t publish a book in 2016, despite having two manuscripts completed, and a third almost done. Life, computer issues, and other roadblocks kept bugging me and getting in my way. I’ve also struggled with keeping up with the promotional side of the industry. Two author friends and I did YouTube videos. They were a blast, but filming was extremely time consuming and took away from our writing time, sooo I slept through a lot of 2016.

 

Without realizing my intentions, I sat down near the end of the year and made a list of things I hoped to complete in 2017. It’s quite extensive and it covers just about every aspect of my life. Anyone who knows me, understands that this is totally out of character. Ask my family, they’ll vouch that I’m the flighty one when it comes to focusing and organization.

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I received an email from a fellow RWA member, holding a virtual whip. She wanted to know our writing goals for 2017. I had one ready and sent it back to her. Usually, she has to pry a list from me, I think I impressed her by being prepared. I hope she doesn’t get used to it.

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How have I done so far? Not too shabby for month one. I completed editing the manuscript, Afraid to Breathe. I plan to send it to my editor this weekend. I’m about finished with the Echoes in the Wind sequel, Echoes in the Storm. My target time to submit it is in March. As soon as I’m done, I’ll do some rewrites on A Lethal Affair and step into the self-publishing world. I’ve started the second of the three-part Afraid series, Afraid to Know is next. I also have thoughts on  how the third sequel will begin in the Echoes final installment, Echoes in the Heat. I planned to write an older children’s series, and the romance/suspense story I started years ago, Hanging on an Instant, is finally becoming clearer. I’m putting together marketing plans and hopefully will get my name out as an author. And my personal life? Yep, I’ve done some revamping there too, even made a few strides, but that’s for another blog.

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Will I continue full-force, tying like a madwoman to get my life in an orderly fashion or will I return to my usual chaotic mess? Who knows?

How about you? How are your resolutions going?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Knife in the Gut

Catchy title, eh? My knife in the gut today, is discussing book reviews. Okay, all of you non-writing people whose eyes glazed over due to boredom, and plan to click off and move on to Facebook’s newest profound proverb,

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If you’re an avid reader, you should know this: Authors need reviews. There, I said it. Yes, we NEED reviews. Not to stroke our fragile egos, not even to sell more books, although it can help, but reviews seem the only way to get up and coming authors the required promotion on sites which carry our work.

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Since the evolution and ease of self-publishing, the competition is fierce, and not always fair. This is true for newbies and many pre-indie pub old timers, who back in the day, say four years ago, the big boys of traditional publishing houses had a lot of pull on how well a book advanced. Today, almost EVERYONE in the publishing world is scrambling to get their books noticed.

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Authors beg anyone who reads their work for a review. Manuscripts or arc’s are sent to professional review sights. Some writers pay big bucks just to have their book covers on a website, so perhaps a reader will request a copy, which they will get free, and maybe they’ll leave a review. This is not a cheap venture. We’re talking $500 to $600 for a limited time, with the high risk of not earning a return.

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Authors are doing handstands while they juggle flaming knives with their feet to find an audience. It’s not an easy task, my friends. It’s daunting and overwhelming, particularly when we’d rather be working on our next greatest novel.

I know what you’re thinking because I’ve thought it myself many times; it’s a pain in the ass to log on or worse sign up and become a member to one of these sights, then you have to answer a ton of inane questions just to swipe over a few stars and write, “Great read.”

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But it helps. Even if we can’t tell you in person, your time, and efforts are appreciated.

Okay, a dilemma. What happens if you don’t like the book. Sigh. Then strike everything I said above. Don’t leave a review. I’m aware, there are tons of unedited books out there, full of misspellings, formatted incorrectly or plain crappy storytelling. It makes me want to scream, especially when I see a number of five star reviews. I want to scrawl across the page, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

But you know what? It’s not worth it. I’m not trying to squelch your first amendment rights, but…2016-10-16-5

Imagine you’ve worked on a project five years. Once it’s completed, you send it out into the world where everyone can view it. A piece of your soul is in that work. Someone you’ve never met to rips it apart because that’s how they get their jollies and it isn’t cool. I’m here to tell you, even if you know they’re a troll, it doesn’t take away the sting.

If you feel the need to comment on a poorly written book, then please, find something positive to say–the blue on the cover is a nice shade, but this story isn’t my cup of tea. And give them three stars.

So, dear friends, one more comment, and I’m off my soap box. Whatever your currently reading, if you’re drawn into another world where you’re a spy or a hit man or you’ve met the man of your dreams, let the author know.

Leave them a review. Promise, it won’t hurt a bit.2016-10-16-6

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Hey Hey, what? They’re still around?

Guilty pleasure confession. I love The Monkees. Roll your eyes if you want, but 2016 celebrates their 50 years together. Still going after a half century shouts that I’m not alone, and many feel the same as me.

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I can’t remember the first time I watched the show or heard the Monkees sing, but here’s a little history. In 1965, over 400 people responded to an ad seeking young men for a new television show about a rock group called The Monkees. The Monkees, starring Davy Jones, Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork premiered on September 12, 1966.

The premise was the life of four clean-cut aspiring young musicians. The series ran two seasons from 1966 to 1968. The idea for the fictional group came from the 1965 Beatles’ movie A Hard Day’s Night. The show ended its initial run when the group and the network could not agree on a format for the third season. The band wanted to update and become a variety show, while the network wanted keep the program the same.

I remember friends and my disappointment when the show no longer aired.MTE1ODA0OTcxMjE5NjUwMDYx

But we fans were granted a reprieve. Saturday morning began airing reruns in the mid to late 70’s. Resurrected again in 1986, I parked in front of my television with my year old son to watch MTV’s Monkees marathon, and one more time in the mid-nineties, my son and daughter gathered to view the series in syndication on Nick At Nite. Shows became available on VHS, DVD and recently over-the-air digital subchannel Antenna TV. Full episodes are also on YouTube for viewing.

Numerous reunion tours evolved to celebrate benchmark anniversaries with various members and occasionally all four participating. Their record company, Rhino Records re-released their recordings, including unreleased bonus tracks or alternate takes. First additions came with trading cards.

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Their eleventh album Justus was issued in 1996 to coincide with their 30th anniversary. It was the first since 1968. All four original members performed; they played every instruments and sang all vocals; songs were written by one of the four Monkees, which was the inspiration for the album title and spelling. Justus = Just Us.

Plans for celebrating year 50 are extensive. A tour, of course; the first Blu-ray distributed of the full TV series, and the first new album in nearly 20 years, Good Times! (Released May 27, 2016) This is the first album since the death of Davy Jones, but his voice is heard, thanks to the discovery of lost tracks by record company. These were recorded in ’67, ’68 and intended to be releases, songs written by Harry Nilsson, Neil Diamond, Jeff Barry, Carole King, but then the show went off the air. The production company dissolved, and this music has sat in a vault for 50 years. A creative twist was added by bringing the album full circle with the insertion of younger rock collaborators, turning the music into a wonderful ‘what’s old is new theme.’

Monkees Tidbits you may or may not know.

Prior to the show Mike and Peter were in bands. Micky was a child actor on a show called Circus Boy under the name Mickey Braddock. Davy won a Tony Award for his role as the Artful Dodger in the original Broadway cast of Oliver.

The group did not play their own instruments on their first two albums – music was played by session musicians. The Monkees vocals were recorded over the tracks.

Although manufactured bands were common during that period, they suffered backlash for not playing instruments on their recordings. In 1967, the men insisted on performing their material, and received producer credits.

The Monkees, as a band was confusing. They were not a band. They were a television show about a band, and actors playing a part as musicians trying to make a living as a band.

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 Headquarters was the only Monkees album recorded with all four in the studio at the same time. On other albums each member recorded their part separately and was mixed by engineers.

Critics dubbed the Monkees the “Pre-Fab four”, a made-for-TV knockoff of the Beatles; the Beatles, however, thought they were great and hosted a party for them on an England visit.

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Gene Roddenberry was inspired to introduce the character of Chekov in his Star Trek TV series in response to the popularity of Davy Jones, complete with hairstyle and appearance mimicking Jones.

One of the first groups to simultaneously have number one songs in the US and UK.

Peter Tork taught Algebra and coached baseball at a private school in the late 1970s. He also worked as a singing waiter at the Sleeping Lady Cafe in Fairfax California in the mid ’70s. An accomplished musician, he plays 12 different instruments.

Monkees MTV marathon produced their best ratings to date.

Many of their songs have been covered by a different variety of singers and bands. In 1988, Run – D.M.C. recorded “Mary, Mary” on their album Tougher Than Leather

 Their 45th reunion tour was the final tour for Davy Jones, who died of a heart attack on February 29, 2012 at the age of 66.

The surviving three members did not attend Davy Jones funeral in Indiantown, FL, so not to draw attention. They were present at a New York City memorial, and they also organized their own private memorial with the Jones family in California.

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Okay, fess up! Who was your favorite Monkee, and what was your favorite Monkee song?

Mine- Monkee, Micky and Song, I’m a Believer.

Micky Dolenz

 

 

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Out of my comfort zone

I’m definitely an introvert. I’m comfortable alone, but not so much in a room full of people. Putting myself in any form of limelight terrifies me. I prefer not to speak in front of crowds. If I attend a party, and I don’t know but one or two people, I’ll be the one who searches for kids to hang with, or I’ll sit in the corner and pet the dog. Kids and dogs love me.

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But Deb, you ask. You’re a writer. Don’t you have to put yourself in the public eye if you want readers to find your books? Good question. And the answer is yes. Social media has made things a lot simpler. I have no problem being the party girl when I’m hiding behind a laptop. But even that can be scary. Whatever I post is available for anyone in the world to view and in many instances, comment. Some get their jollies trolling others posts and starting trouble . I try to be careful, so I don’t set myself up for a major fail.

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I also believe that the best way to connect with readers-or people for that matter, is in person.While it’s difficult to get up in front of others,  I’m learning. A few of my practices are;

I don’t sweat the small stuff.

I maintain my sense of humor-at all times.

When speaking , I keep my messages short, sweet and hopefully the audience guessing.

I try to keep an open mind, especially when I’m nervous or dreading an event.

What about you? Are you an introvert, like me?

 

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